Hey all, it's been a while.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of learning, and watching Stephanie Burns and studying what the savvy club vault had to offer about her work. So I watched that a few times, obsessed over the levels dvds and other savvy vault videos, played, and went to analyzing and trying to push myself to the next level of learning. Well, what I found was not what I expected. I've progressed in areas, yes, but as I progressed, I found myself starting to avoid playing and being around my horse. Well-never mind, I take that back. I wouldn't call it avoiding-I still played with him daily, and putting one uncomfortable goal daily to push myself further. Usually this had to do with taking out the forty five line-starting by simply hooking it on, and then going on as I felt more comfortable with it. I began to realize something, and a good friend of mine (Fran of course), voiced it, but I didn't really 'get it' until now. I'm going to explain my understanding of it and how it affects my journey personally to the best of my abilities, for future reference.
I am obsessed with progress. There. I said it. I am obsessed with furthering my journey and getting closer to my goal of becoming a parelli instructor worth the title. And in my obsession, I study vigorously, play daily, and go analyze and study more at night. However, what I'm starting to realize is exactly how much 'have to' pressure I'm putting on myself. And as a learner, that puts a lot of strain on my 'want to' brain button. And what I've realized, is that for me, the more I feel like I 'have to' do something, even though I try hard, I end up falling apart mentally and emotionally. 'Have to' has no place in the learning zone of an unconfident learner (that's my big epiphany). So...now the question that's come is-how many of my own thresholds am I ignoring and crossing in the name of self progress. And also-if I'm not putting myself and my emotional and mental fitness first, how can I put my horse first?
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