Dignity

Where do I start?  I'm still in the midst of processing, but today I realized that I haven't been allowing MYSELF any dignity.  I've been so afraid of being prideful and trying to be humble that I've been crushing my own confidence.  The clue that brought this about, was when one of the barn's main trainers opposed my opinion.  Chase's lameness after I trimmed his frog too short brought about a lot of attention, and people, being people, threw their opinions at me (stating them as fact, of course).  I voiced that I didn't trust farriers, because I knew that a lot of their teachings is utter bullcrap.  The trainer immediately blew me off, telling me that I didn't know enough to say that, and advised again that I call any of the farriers listed on the wall.  And to be honest, I crumpled.  Now looking at what I wrote, brings on a new perspective on what she said, but at the time, my immediate response was that I'd been too cocky, and should know better than to have assumed that I knew better.
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But what right did she have, really?  That trainer doesn't even really know me well enough to state something like that.
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This type of reaction occurs in me every time someone says something like that.  I backtrack, feeling like an idiot, and either apologize or quickly agree with them.  But it goes further than that-further than my seeming inability to stand up for myself.  I force myself past a lot of thresholds more than I realized before-and not 'fear' thresholds.  I sacrifice my own dignity all the time.  My horse's dignity means the world to me, but I've not only neglected my own, but abused it, ESPECIALLY as a learner.  I want to become a Parelli Professional more than anything, so when I'm with my horse, I feel the need to progress, and become better.  It's a good motivation, but not the way I've been doing it.  I've been throwing myself over that cliff again and again as a learner in the name of progress, the same way a non-savvy person forces a horse into a trailer they're terrified of.  And when I finally do get confident in my own abilities, I tear myself down again to try to stay humble.  The phrase 'I don't know anything' comes to my mind a LOT.  Rather than empowering myself, I'm constantly dis-empowering myself.
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I'm ending here, I'm still processing.
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BTW, the photo of Chase up above is from last year sometime.