Roadblocks

Realized something with a friend's help today.  After three emotional outbursts in a row while 'playing' with my horse (I wasn't really having any fun, just concentrating and trying to be perfect), I realized that I didn't really have all the answers I needed.  It seems like something simple, and it is, but it's not an easy realization.  Chase and I have come so, so far, on our own, that I forgot what needing help on the journey felt like.  So what happens when I reach that roadblock again?  Why, the sky falls on me, of course (hello RBE self).  Suddenly I'm inadequate, I suck, ect ect.  When really, I'm not inadequate.  Chase and I are total awesome-sauce.  I just don't have the information I need.  I honestly have no idea what someone moving from level three into level four looks like, and I've haven't really had level three freestyle instruction.  We've done darn good with what we've had. 
One moment that burns in my brain right now-when we were riding freestyle tonight I was just so frustrated because what we had didn't feel like the image I had in my brain.  I was getting more and more frustrated, and I felt that I just had to keep trying until we had it right, until things got better, ect.  But...I didn't really understand the keys to get there, and I don't have them yet.  So...intense studying once again needed, and for the first time in two years, I'm calling up a PP to help.  As well as listening to my more educated friends. 

So glad I know this now.  :)  Caoi for now.